Family Law Expert Explains the Rise in ‘Curveball Divorces’
Key Takeaways:
- Dishonesty leads to the ultimate sanction — The SDT struck off Alison Clare Banerjee after finding she repeatedly misled clients and the employment tribunal, including fabricating IT issues to excuse her conduct.
- Client consent is non-negotiable — Banerjee accepted a settlement without her client’s knowledge, breaching the fundamental duty to act in the client’s best interests and to obtain informed instructions.
- Transparency protects the profession — The tribunal refused anonymity, emphasising that public confidence in solicitors depends on openness when serious misconduct occurs.
Divorce has traditionally been associated with long marriages, shared homes, and years of unresolved unhappiness finally coming to a head. Increasingly, however, family lawyers are seeing a very different reality. Couples in their late twenties and early thirties — sometimes married for only a few months — are finding themselves suddenly facing the end of a relationship they believed to be stable, loving, and secure.
This shift was recently highlighted by British Vogue, which reported on the rise of so-called “curveball divorces”. These are separations that appear to come out of nowhere, leaving one partner completely blindsided. In one account, a 31-year-old woman described how her husband left just six months into their marriage, at a time when she believed everything was going well.
“I thought people who got divorced were in their forties and fifties, with children to co-parent and family homes,” she said. “I didn’t think divorce happened to people who were just starting their life with someone. My world totally collapsed in on itself.”
Family lawyers across England and Wales report that stories like this are becoming increasingly common. Many clients now seek advice after an unexpected separation that arrives with little warning, explanation, or time to emotionally prepare. These cases often carry a distinct emotional weight, shaped by shock and disbelief rather than the slow breakdown traditionally associated with divorce.
What is a “curveball divorce”?
“There has been a noticeable rise in what people are calling ‘curveball divorces’. “These are cases where one partner is blindsided by the other’s decision to end what appears, from the outside, to be a solid or even happy marriage.”
Unlike relationships that deteriorate through visible conflict or prolonged unhappiness, curveball divorces are often defined by an imbalance in emotional readiness. One partner may have spent months — or even years — privately processing dissatisfaction or emotional disengagement. The other, by contrast, is left completely unprepared for the end of the relationship.
“While any divorce carries a heavy emotional toll,”, “the shock is particularly acute where one person has already begun, and sometimes completed, the grieving process, while the other is suddenly forced to confront the loss of their shared future.”
This emotional imbalance can make curveball divorces especially destabilising. The partner initiating the separation may appear calm, resolved, and keen to move forward, while the other experiences confusion, disbelief, and profound emotional distress.
Why are curveball divorces becoming more common?
There is no single cause behind the rise of curveball divorces, but family law specialists point to several overlapping factors.
Modern relationships tend to place greater emphasis on emotional fulfilment, personal growth, and compatibility. Where previous generations may have stayed in unhappy marriages for longer, today’s couples are more likely to leave when something feels fundamentally wrong — even at an early stage.
Social media may also contribute to this dynamic. Curated images of “perfect” relationships can conceal underlying problems, sometimes leaving one partner unaware that dissatisfaction has been quietly building beneath the surface.
Communication styles also play a role. Some individuals avoid difficult conversations out of fear of conflict, choosing instead to process their feelings privately. When the decision to leave is eventually expressed, it can feel sudden and devastating to the partner who believed the relationship was on solid ground.
The mental health impact of sudden separation
The psychological impact of divorce is well recognised, but the abrupt nature of curveball divorces can intensify its effects. According to leading mental health charity Mind, around 28% of people experience depression following a divorce.
When separation comes without warning, feelings of shock, rejection, and self-blame are particularly common. This is especially true where the abandoned partner believed the marriage to be happy and secure.
“There’s often a sense of unreality,” “Clients tell me they feel as though the ground has been pulled from under them. They’re trying to process grief and loss while also dealing with legal paperwork and life-changing decisions.”
For some, this sudden upheaval can trigger anxiety, depression, or difficulties functioning at work or in daily life. Early access to emotional or mental health support can be crucial in helping individuals regain stability during this period.
How curveball divorces work from a legal perspective
Legally, a curveball divorce is treated in the same way as any other divorce in England and Wales. Since the introduction of no-fault divorce in April 2022, couples are no longer required to assign blame or prove wrongdoing. One party can apply for a divorce unilaterally, even if the other does not agree.
However, notes that while the legal framework is consistent, the experience of the process can differ significantly.
“Shock or emotional distress may mean the non-initiating partner needs more time,” she says. “They may need longer to seek legal advice, gather financial information, understand their rights, or emotionally prepare for key milestones such as the conditional order and final order.”
As a result, curveball divorces can sometimes take longer to resolve, particularly where financial arrangements or property division are involved.
When emotional timelines don’t align
One of the most challenging aspects of a curveball divorce is the mismatch in emotional readiness between the two parties.
“It’s very common for the person who initiated the separation to want to progress matters quickly,” “They’ve already adjusted mentally to life after divorce and may feel frustrated by delays.”
The other partner, however, may still be grappling with shock and grief, making it difficult to engage with discussions about finances, housing, or long-term planning.
“This imbalance can make negotiations feel uneven,” she says. “Each person is approaching the process from a very different emotional starting point.”
For example, one partner may be ready to discuss selling a home or dividing assets within weeks, while the other is still struggling to accept that the marriage is ending at all.
What if your former partner isn’t ready to proceed?
For those who initiated the separation, advises patience and empathy where possible.
“Even a small amount of understanding, from both the initiating partner and the solicitors involved, can make a significant difference in the long run,” she says.
She has seen cases where frustration over the pace of progress leads to increased conflict, higher legal costs, and prolonged emotional distress.
“Pushing too hard, too early, can be counter-productive,” she explains. “Sometimes a gentler approach at the outset leads to a quicker and more constructive resolution overall. Forcing progress can easily become ‘one step forward, two steps back’.”
Family lawyers often recommend structured but flexible timelines, allowing space for emotional adjustment while ensuring the case continues to move forward.
Looking after your wellbeing during a curveball divorce
For those on the receiving end of a sudden separation, self-care is essential rather than optional.
stresses that seeking support should never be viewed as a weakness. “Asking for help is a sign of strength,” she says. “Whether that support comes from therapy, counselling, or trusted friends and family, protecting your mental health benefits everyone involved.”
This is particularly important where children are concerned. Parents who take steps to stabilise their own emotional wellbeing are better placed to support their children through change.
Clear legal advice can also provide reassurance. Understanding your rights and options can help restore a sense of control at a time when everything may feel uncertain.
A changing picture of divorce
Curveball divorces challenge long-standing assumptions about who divorces and why. They highlight how relationships can fracture quietly, even at an early stage, and how deeply unsettling it can be when one partner is left emotionally unprepared.
“These cases remind us that divorce isn’t just a legal process — it’s a human one. The law provides the structure, but compassion and understanding are what make the process manageable.”
For anyone facing a curveball divorce, the message is clear: you are not alone, your reaction is valid, and with the right legal and emotional support, it is possible to rebuild — even after the most unexpected ending
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