11 Ways to Settle Parenting and Financial Disputes on Divorce
Key Takeaways:
- Choose the right dispute-resolution method — Exploring negotiation, mediation, facilitation, or arbitration early can prevent unnecessary costs, stress, and conflict during divorce.
- Amicable approaches save time and money — Most couples benefit from non-court options, which promote cooperation, reduce delays, and keep more of the family’s resources intact.
- Court should be the last resort — Litigation is expensive, slow, and emotionally draining, and should only be used when all other avenues have been exhausted or safety is a concern.
Divorce is emotionally difficult, but what many couples underestimate is the strain of negotiating parenting arrangements and a financial settlement. These disagreements can quickly become stressful, time-consuming, and extremely expensive.
A well-publicised 2021 case showed how a divorcing couple spent £390,000 fighting each other in the family court and through appeals. Sadly, this is far from unusual—litigation costs can escalate rapidly, particularly when communication breaks down.
The good news is that there are 11 practical, proven methods to help separating couples reach parenting arrangements and financial settlements without spiralling into conflict. Most people will use one or a combination of these options. Agreeing how you will negotiate, even if you cannot yet agree on the final outcome, will save enormous amounts of stress, time, and money.
1) Negotiate Between Yourselves
How It Works
You and your former partner sit down to discuss parenting arrangements and finances. You may write your own non-binding agreement or ask a solicitor to draft a legally binding court order based on what you’ve agreed.
This is often the first step for many couples and works particularly well for straightforward parenting arrangements.
Ideal When
Assets are simple or limited
The marriage was short (under 5 years)
There are no children
Less Suitable When
There is frequent conflict or an imbalance of power
Finances are complex
Advantages
Amicable and private
No cost
You control the process
Disadvantages
No legal advice
Risk of overlooking important issues
Emotions can cloud decisions
Difficult if communication is strained
Cost: FREE
2) Ask a Family Member or Friend to Facilitate Communication
How It Works
A trusted, neutral friend or family member helps you both communicate more effectively. This can be particularly useful for young parents trying to agree on childcare arrangements.
Ideal When
You have someone neutral whom both parties respect
The facilitator has some understanding of family dynamics or legal processes
Less Suitable When
Finances are complex
The facilitator is too emotionally involved or lacks experience
Advantages
Free and flexible
Can reduce tension
Encourages collaboration
Disadvantages
No legal training
Facilitator may struggle to remain impartial
Could strain the relationship with the friend/family member
Cost: FREE
3) Facilitation
How It Works
You provide full financial disclosure and outline your agreement-in-principle. You then attend a 90-minute facilitation meeting with an expert who checks your agreement, ensures it meets court expectations, and produces a memo of understanding. A solicitor is then appointed to finalise the divorce or consent order.
Ideal When
You are close to an agreement
You can communicate calmly
Less Suitable When
You are far apart in your views
You want a solicitor to negotiate assertively on your behalf
Advantages
Quick—agreements can be reached in one session
Independent review of your agreement
Helps ensure the court will approve your consent order
Can be bundled with solicitor-managed divorce
Disadvantages
No formal legal advice included
Best only when you are already near agreement
Cost: From £799 + VAT per person
4) Family Mediation
How It Works
Both parties first attend an individual MIAM (Mediation Information Assessment Meeting). You then meet the mediator together (or separately if needed). Mediation helps you communicate, explore options, and reach an agreement. The mediator records this in a Memo of Understanding, which can later be made legally binding.
Ideal When
Communication is difficult
You need help understanding each other’s perspectives
Less Suitable When
There has been domestic abuse
You want someone to advocate solely for you
Advantages
More affordable than litigation
Encourages cooperation
Mediators are trained in family law principles
Full financial disclosure is required
90% of clients reach agreement
Online mediation widely available
Disadvantages
Mediators cannot give legal advice
Agreements are not binding until drafted into a consent order
Cost: From £120 + VAT per person per hour
5) Shuttle Mediation
How It Works
You and your ex-partner remain in separate rooms (or separate online breakout rooms). The mediator moves between you, sharing proposals in structured time slots.
Ideal When
You feel intimidated by the other person
There has been abuse or controlling behaviour
Less Suitable When
You want the court to impose a decision
Advantages
No face-to-face contact required
Works well online
More affordable than court proceedings
Disadvantages
Takes longer than traditional mediation
Requires hiring an additional room if in person
Supporters cannot negotiate on your behalf
Cost: From £120 + VAT per person per hour
6) Barrister Review
How It Works
After completing full financial disclosure, your documentation and issues are reviewed by a family law barrister. They produce a written report recommending a likely court outcome. You then decide whether to accept or negotiate based on that guidance.
Ideal When
You want an expert legal opinion
You are stuck but want to avoid high legal fees
Less Suitable When
Positions have become entrenched
You are unlikely to accept a third-party view
Advantages
Expert, independent guidance
Full disclosure ensures transparency
Helps avoid litigation
Can be used to finalise a consent order
Disadvantages
You might disagree with the opinion
No personal legal advice included
Can take several weeks
Cost: £60 + VAT for initial meeting, £499 + VAT per person for the review
7) Collaborative Mediation
How It Works
Both parties meet with a mediator and their respective solicitors present. The mediator facilitates structured negotiation while each side receives real-time legal advice.
Ideal When
You want legal representation during negotiation
You struggle to advocate for yourself
Less Suitable When
Budget is limited
Scheduling is difficult
Advantages
Legal advice included
Thorough review of financial disclosure
More structured discussions
Disadvantages
Not legally binding
Can be expensive
Risk solicitors argue rather than collaborate
Cost: £2,000–£5,000 + VAT per person
8) Hybrid Mediation
How It Works
Each party has a private meeting (“caucus”) with their solicitor, financial adviser, or relevant professional. The mediator moves between rooms to facilitate agreement. Often completed within a single half-day or full day.
Ideal When
Finances are complex
Specialist input is needed
Less Suitable When
You cannot afford multiple professionals
Advantages
Fast—usually completed in one day
Experts provide tailored advice
Agreement can be drafted immediately
Disadvantages
More expensive than standard mediation
Not yet recognised as MIAM-compliant
No guarantee of settlement
Cost: £2,000–£4,000 + VAT per person
9) Instruct a Solicitor to Negotiate
How It Works
A solicitor contacts the other party to request financial disclosure and propose settlement terms. If negotiation fails, they may file for a consent order, financial order, or child arrangement order.
Ideal When
There has been abuse or intimidation
You need an advocate
Less Suitable When
Funds are limited
You prefer an amicable, low-conflict process
Advantages
Clear legal advice
Disclosure is carefully scrutinised
Solicitor negotiates for you
Disadvantages
Expensive
Can escalate conflict
Process is geared toward litigation
Cost: £2,000–£10,000 + VAT per person (but may increase significantly)
10) Arbitration
How It Works
Both parties agree to appoint an independent arbitrator (a private judge). After reviewing the evidence, the arbitrator makes a binding decision.
Ideal When
You want to avoid court delays
Negotiations with solicitors or mediators have failed
Less Suitable When
Issues are legally complex
One person refuses to engage
Advantages
Faster than court
Binding decision
Can focus on specific issues only
Disadvantages
You may not agree with the outcome
You must pay the arbitrator and venue
Representation recommended, increasing costs
Cost: £3,000–£15,000 + VAT per person
11) File an Application to Court
How It Works
You apply for a financial order or a child arrangement order. You will still need a MIAM beforehand unless exemptions apply. The court process may involve multiple hearings and can take over a year.
Ideal When
All other methods have failed
The other parent is unreasonable or non-responsive
A child is at risk
Less Suitable When
You are hoping the court will simply "side with you"
You have not explored mediation or negotiation
Advantages
A binding decision at the end
CAFCASS involvement for parenting disputes
Testing and safeguarding measures available
Disadvantages
Expensive and lengthy
Highly stressful
Can damage co-parenting relationships
Requires separate applications for children and finances
Cost: £20,000 + VAT per person for finances
12 Top Tips for Reaching a Financial Settlement on Divorce
Separate emotion from decision-making—courts do not reward or punish marital behaviour.
Stay calm; you both want certainty and closure.
Consider the other person’s perspective.
Prioritise the children in every discussion.
Set limits on when and how you negotiate.
Avoid texting or discussing issues in front of the children.
Be honest—concealing assets destroys trust and risks fraud.
Don’t agree to something unfair out of guilt.
Treat the settlement as a practical problem to solve.
Think carefully before saying “see you in court”—it may cost £20,000+ and take 11.5 months.
Focus on practical needs, not old marital roles.
Remember: disagreements are normal—but resolving them amicably keeps more money in the family pot.
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